A Tale of Two Sweaters

I stopped smoking in 2006 and learned to spin and knit shortly thereafter as a way of keeping myself occupied and by making fancy things that didn’t smell like smoke. As happens with these things, it turned into an obsession. I started off spinning with a spindle but quickly found I was too impatient and got an inexpensive wheel. I learned to knit shortly after taking up spinning, mostly because I wanted to learn how to knit socks.

My most recent socks.

I spun this gorgeous sparkly taupe yarn (that I have no photos of, bad pre-ravelry me) from a vendor who doesn’t even exist any more. I had spun a small amount of the pound of fiber on the spindle but quickly decided I needed something BIG out of it. Once I got the wheel figured out, I decided it would be a sweater.


Now I’m a large woman and large women and bulky yarns are not supposed to go together, but I didn’t care. In January of 2007, I had spun the roving into 800 yards of shiny, bulky, soft wonderfulness. I got ready to knit.


I’d never knitted a sweater before. I decided to use the Basic Pullover pattern from the Sally Melville’s “The Purl Stitch”. Had I known then what I know now, I would have not chosen it because holy cow, knitting in the round is so much easier. I dutifully knit front, back, and two flat sleeves, and stitched it together. The seams are a mess. I used the spindle-spun skein to crochet a pretty border on the bottom, sleeves, and neckline.




The messy seams of messy doom.


The sweater is ridiculously warm, and very rustic-looking. It fits perfectly. I like it, even though I don’t wear it very often because it’s just too warm.


Five years later, I have made a few more things. I’ve made some sweaters. I’ve made some socks. I’ve made a shawl or two. I’ve spun some yarn, to the point that I’ve gotten a lot better at it. My friend Roz showed me the Warriston pattern, a smock of interesting construction and compelling details. Being wiser now, I ordered commercial yarn to make it.

Warriston was my first bottom-up raglan sweater. I learned all kinds of new techniques and tricks during it. It also had its share of frustrations as there are some minor fit and stylistic issues that happen frequently with larger sized knits. But it came out fine once I sewed the cowl down, and I can ignore the slightly gappy raglans.




Had to bump up the green in processing to get close to the actual color of it.

Both sweaters took me a little over a month to knit. Warriston had a long break due to hot weather-nobody wants a pound and a half of wool on their lap when it’s 80 degrees out. Warriston also used roughly twice the yarn, because that’s the difference in the length, the trim, the cowl neck, and the relatively finer yarn.



I actually really like both of them. They represent me as a knitter in all my imperfections. I grafted one armpit on Warriston backwards, and there are a few places where the pattern goes a little wobbly. The seams of the Basic Pullover are a mess, and the yarn itself is obviously an advanced beginner’s work. I wouldn’t trade either of them for anything, though.

Summer awakening

Been about two weeks since I posted so I thought an update was in order.

I have a nerve conduction test coming up on Monday-I'm somewhat nervous about the test and also about what the results will show. I am very concerned about my hands and feet-the numbness is starting to affect my quality of life. I can't feel things in my purse or pockets without seeing them. My balance is worse than ever because of the numbness in my feet and walking even short distances is getting pretty difficult. It's scary. But I'm trying to relax about it a little since there is nothing I can do until the results come back.

Needless to say, I am really worried about this impacting my ability to knit and spin.

But anyway. The weather was really warm the past couple of weeks, into the 70s and even 80s every day. Yesterday it started to get more normal so I was able to work on the sweater some more. I have attached the sleeves and am working the raglan decreases so I hope to be done soon. I don't anticipate being able to wear it until fall, though. I don't tolerate heat very well, despite the fun new tendency of my feet and hands to be freezing cold. During the hot spell, I finished off the spinning for the sunflower shawl and started knitting it.



About 1400 yards of laceweight two ply, ten ounces. Here's a photo where you can see the gradient effect.



Man, was it a pain in the ass to start knitting. I am NOT good at circular cast ons, but it's going and I think it will be fine when blocked.



We joined the pool again! I'm excited about it, I love to swim and it can only help. Every time I get into a pool my bad leg shrinks dramatically and I am so much more able to move freely. I can bend, stretch, walk, and swim and it feels so darn good it's ridiculous.

Some early outdoor yard photos from the summer preview we had.



Anna got these adorable little solar lanterns for the front steps.




And a sure sign of spring-the turkeys are back!



will update again when I can!

So what else is new?

Nothing much.

I'm spinning fiber, a good ten ounces, for a Tuscan Sunflower shawl. The fiber I am using is from Corgi Hill, the beautiful BFL/Silk blend in a gradient colorway, Frangipani.

I'm working on a sweater, this one in commercial yarn. The pattern is called Warriston and the way the weather is going, I will not be able to wear it until next winter. It's coming along well though.

I've also got a portable sock project going, of course.

The pattern is great and looks so much more complicated than it actually is. And the yarn is gorgeous, it's from Skein, based in Australia, but sold by the Loopy Ewe here in the US. A cashmere merino nylon blend, so amazingly soft.

Not a lot more to report. I'm having trouble with extreme nerve pain and numbness in my fingers and feet which makes it hard to type, among other things. I'll be having a nerve conductivity test for that soon. Spring is springing out all over and it's all I can do to go to work instead of staying home languishing in the yard and pulling up the old dead growth from last year and preparing for new. I have to keep reminding myself that Pittsburgh is known for St Patrick's Day snowstorms and to just be patient-it will be here soon enough.

Social impairment and putting up walls

It’s no secret to anyone who follows me on Facebook or in real life that work has been really, really challenging for me lately. I am in state civil service, in social services, and beyond that I am not getting into specifics. It’s a decent job with decent benefits and I’ve been with this agency since 2001. It was the job that got me back on my feet after my disastrous slide into insanity back in 1998, when I quit a really good job as a municipal bus driver because I had undergone a series of personal losses and setbacks and lost my mind a bit. But that is another story.

I’ve always been a little socially awkward, a little too eager to please, a little gullible, a little too desperate to have something resembling a circle of friends. I have a long history of disclosing way too much about myself in casual conversation. People at work tend to know me way better than I know them. Nothing really embarrassing or extremely personal, but I have always kept my walls rather low.

Until now. Recently it’s become clearer and clearer to me that I am an outcast at work. I am not anyone’s friend or confidante. I am not taken seriously or valued for my efforts to help my co-workers. When I have attempted to provide assistance or be part of an effective team, I have been laughed at or ignored. At Christmas, I made an appeal to two of my co-workers to initiate a collection for a gift for our supervisor, because I knew if I did it, nobody would contribute. Nothing new.

As far back as grade school, I’ve been an outcast. An “other”. I have never had more than one or two friends and trust comes hard to me. And nearly every time I have chosen to ignore my instincts and trust people, I get hurt. For example, one of my co-workers had a birthday a couple of weeks ago. There was a massive party on the work floor of the office, right in the middle of everyone. Right next to my cubicle. I worked with this woman from the day I started at this agency, we shared many great conversations over the eleven years we've known each other and worked together, and when she was leaving to go on maternity leave, I was the only person in the office who thought to organize a party of sorts for her. We had cookies and gave her a nice card with some money in it. I made a sweater for the baby to be. Never thought much about it. While she did not organize or plan the birthday party, obviously, I was very pointedly left out. The people who organized the party, a high school-type clique, went so far as to whisper my cube-mate over to share the cake and celebration. In the meantime, I’ve been in this office for most of my career with this agency, I’ve worked with many of these people the whole time, and last year, my 50th birthday came and went with no acknowledgement of any kind. Not so much as a card. Not so much as a single word.

This is not an isolated incident. For years, I have been excluded from office activities and nobody ever really talks to me unless I initiate the conversation. People who I thought were my friends were actually using me (and many other people) as a laughingstock. One person, an older caseworker I’d known and respected since I started at this agency, requested I share his cubicle, and I was really flattered by that because I thought this worker was a friend. Until I realized he wanted me there as a buffer between him and the annoying person on the other side of the cube wall, and as fodder to laugh at my reaction to the annoying person. My value was purely humor.

There are many other examples, but I don't have the heart to recount all of them. If this sounds like a pity party, I guess maybe it is. I guess it does hurt, being either reviled or invisible. I am increasingly hard of hearing but I am not deaf, and I am certainly not blind, and I hear whispers and see people laughing behind their hands at me.

Between observing things more closely at work and a severe emotional reaction to reading "Cat's Eye" by Margaret Atwood, all the peer abuse I've endured most of my life came to a head. While I suffered nothing like the level of abuse the protagonist of that book did, I did suffer, and at the hands of many, many people in my life. It's left me with major trust issues. I no longer trust my co-workers.

So the wall is up. I no longer speak to anyone at work unless it’s completely necessary. There is an impenetrable barrier that is permanent. I talk to my supervisor and the managers as needed. I will answer if asked questions. I volunteer nothing. I initiate nothing. There are no further niceties. I’m finished.

I do my job and I do it exceptionally well. I am there to do my job for nine more years. I plan to transfer to another office as soon as possible, hopefully in a year or so. When that time comes, I will walk out the door and chances are, nobody will even notice. Except that they no longer have anyone to whisper and laugh about.

There was a time when my office felt like a second home to me. That time is over.

I am not seeking sympathy or friendships or anything of the kind. I am perfectly happy to live inside my wall at work. I need nothing but my paycheck every two weeks and my health insurance should I be ill. I don’t have to be chummy with anyone to get that. I am not about to open myself up for further hurt. I have all the love I need from my family. Everyone else can bite me. Work is not my life, work is how I pay for my life. It’s time it was put in its proper place.

Thinking

I have many thoughts. Some are more coherent than others. I've been wanting to post about my Meniere's in general and my hearing loss specifically. I also want to post about having been a social outcast in the past and how it impacts my relationships and reactions to day to day living, since I've had some serious trouble with that of late. I end up coming here and thinking, though, why bother, and I post some pretty knitting photos or pictures of the cat or some yarn that I've spun and I'm done with it.

Is it laziness? Maybe. Is it not wanting to put too much of myself out there? Maybe. I'm not terribly concerned with being all private-like, I'm pretty much an open book. I think part of it is I'm still not used to this computer and typing on it can be a pain in the ass. But it makes up for it in other ways, like the ability to take it into my craft room and watch videos while I spin.

So in the meantime, some pictures.

I'm making a sweater, called Warriston. I have a lot more than this done but this is the most recent photo. The pattern is pretty brilliant. It has pockets!

I'm actually almost ten inches into the 17 inches of body I need to knit before dividing for the sleeves so it's going pretty fast.

I'm spinning too.

This is a lovely gradient BFL/Silk blend from Corgi Hill farm that is going to be a Tuscan Sunflower Shawl.

Biscuit and Biddy are kinda getting along better. Biddy loves the heater vent in the bathroom and so does Biscuit, so it leads to the occasional uneasy truce.


I have a new doggie sister, Daisy, a four year old terrier mix.

She seems pretty sweet.

And I got a new spindle. It was sparkly. It isn't a high precision instrument, but it is very pretty. It spins fast, but not long.

When we redid the craft room, we decided to use the old shoe caddy (which did not work for my shoes because my feet are too big) for miscellaneous storage. It ended up holding all the spindles easily, and some other stuff besides.


And this is the last pair of socks I made for myself, a month or so ago. I really like them, but the yarn seems to be fading fast. Shame. I loved the colors.


And today is my lovely daughter Lena's 28th birthday. Holy cow. Where does the time go?

Monday Morning post

So, with this shiny new crafting space, I've been spinning a bit every day.

This one was a bit of a disappointment. There were some unexpected colors hidden inside the batt, and they combined in some unexpected ways.


I have had similar things happen in the past and oddly, most of the time I end up liking the object that the yarn is made of in the end just fine. So I will remain optimistic. 517 yards of a lace weight two ply.

This one is fiber made from Feistywoman Designs sock batts. Her fiber is a joy to spin, always. It ended up a little short on yardage but it's a sport weight yarn so it should work out fine for thicker socks. 325 yards of sport weight three ply.



Here's the room, by the way.



It's easy to go in there with my laptop and a couple of DVDs and spin and enjoy the bright daylight and clean surroundings. I could use a more comfortable spinning chair but it is good in a way because it keeps me from sitting in one place too long.



I did get better photos of the rainbow shawl and they're on the flickr feed if you want to see more. I'm rather fond of this one.



In other news, Biscuit now has his own Facebook page. What is this world coming to?

I love rainbows

Ever since I saw this on Ravelry, I have wanted to knit it. I found the perfect yarn in Aade Long, a rustic yet vibrant yarn from Estonia. The pattern scared me. It was a written out, not charted pattern and I prefer working from charts. It was a lot of pages and no pictures. There was grafting. Many of the projects on the pattern page were listed as "ZZZ" meaning they'd been asleep with no progress for a long time. Many others were listed as "frogged", which meant the knitters had given up. But there were many more that were finished and man, some of them were impressive.

So, when the first of the year rolled around, I thought "why not?" I caked the yarn and cast on. And less than a month later, it's done.


Nice yarn cake, isn't it?

It wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. First, the center circle and the two wings are knitted.

The pattern is fairly straightforward once you get the beginning done. It's intuitive and I don't' think a chart would have been especially helpful. The hardest part was attaching the border to the top of the circle section. It took me hours and about five times tinking it back and starting over to wrap my head around the process. But eventually, it clicked.


The wings are then grafted on to the center, the bottom of it is "leveled" by adding the triangular sections and several rows, then the border begins.

The border was pretty tedious, there are 86 of the "feathers" and each one is 23-26 stitches, ten rows. That took about a week.



I was determined to see it through and I stayed project-monogamous so the whole thing took 30 days. Much less than I thought it would, considering I have a couple of projects that have been lingering for a year and more.

It's my favorite knitted thing so far. I can't stop picking the faults apart but I still love it.


I wore it twice this week and I got many comments, some from total strangers in the street. Kind of embarrassing. But neat.

I tried to take more photos of it but it's snowing just enough to distract the camera. And too cold out there to stay long. I'm sure more will turn up on my flickr sooner or later.

Saying goodbye to a Pittsburgh icon.

The Civic Arena in Pittsburgh opened for business the same year I was born. My contemporary, it was a wonder of technology, a marvel of architecture, and an iconic midcentury monument. Atomic Age style at its best.

When the Civic Arena was built, it was controversial. The Hill District in Pittsburgh was a vibrant community, the only neighborhood directly linked to Downtown Pittsburgh. The Arena cut off that connection, a neat excision of one of Pittsburgh’s largest African American populations. I was too young to be aware of the impact of this excision. Already suffering the long term effects of Pittsburgh’s slowing economy, the Hill neighborhood suffered a great deal, both monetarily and emotionally. 1500 families and 400 businesses were dislocated. It never really recovered. One need only see the early 50s photos by Teenie Harris and compare them with the Hill in the 70s, 80s, and today. Not all attributable to the Arena, of course, but it had a huge negative impact. And the conflict is not over-Hill residents are being largely ignored in the redevelopment talks.

But still. What a building it is.

Designed by the architectural firm of Mitchell and Ritchey, the design was overseen by modernist architect William H Sippel, who died in 2007, living long enough to plead for the preservation of the building. The shape alone was breathtaking. Enormous yet graceful, the concept of the moveable cantilevered dome was inspired by Dahlen Ritchey’s (Of Mitchell and Richey) visits to Fallingwater during construction. Edgar Kaufmann, the owner of Fallingwater, had Ritchey come out and check up on Frank Lloyd Wright’s design, as he had concerns about the design. Edgar Kaufmann went on to donate the money to build the arena, originally for Pittsburgh’s Civil Light Opera.

It wasn’t a great venue for acoustic music. The cavernous dome ate up sound. It turned out to be great for amplified concerts, though, as well as large sporting events, political rallies, Hollywood films, and religious revivals.

There are tons of lists of events, but I want to talk about some of the ones that I went to. My first rock concert, Grand Funk Railroad in 1974. The Ice Capades, more than once. The circus. The Pittsburgh Folk Festival, with endless ethnic variety of food, display, and performance. Parliament Funkadelic with Sly Stone, Stevie Wonder with opening act Bob Marley and the Wailers in 1979, Marley’s final tour. Pittsburgh Penguins games, mostly in the bad years. The filming of The Fish Who Saved Pittsburgh, where we had to move from one side of the arena to the other for crowd scenes because there weren’t enough people there. So many good memories. The sight of the arena glinting in the evening sun, or a sunrise seen from the Hill behind the arena, goosebumps come up just thinking about it. And behind it, all the way to the top of the Hill, all the way to Oakland, decline. Sadness, grief, a weary desolation I was too young, too white, too privileged to really understand.

The Civic Arena stopped meeting the needs of the Penguins, the primary occupant, in the mid-2000’s. The die was cast and it was only a matter of time. There’s been some debate the last few years, a few determined allies wanting to preserve this historic example of modernist architecture, all for naught. Too big a space to stay vacant, too much to maintain to keep as is. It had seen better days, the amazing roof last opened in 1993, a lack of maintenance on the mechanism and the age and expense of keeping it running was too much.

So we say goodbye. The building is stubborn. The demolition teams are having some pretty serious difficulties. Like me, it was made to last. I will miss it, and it will always be part of what made me who I am, but it will be interesting to see what Pittsburgh does with those 94 acres at the edge of downtown. I can only hope they use it to heal.

(This video contains dated information but some great images. The sense of hope kind of makes me sad.)

The further I go, the behinder I get.

First things first. Nobody guessed the correct answer for my contest back before Christmas. Here was the mysterious photo-



And what is it, you may ask? It's the inside of this-


-a parking garage on Smithfield street in Pittsburgh. There's a convenience store on the bottom floor, and when you go into the store, you pass beneath the roundabout. If you look up, you see the inside of the spiral that the cars go up, concrete walls and skylights on top. It does look rather like the inside of a salt shaker.

Congratulations to Brea for winning the random number draw-she got this lovely skein of merino/silk, spun on a spindle, about 200 yards of squooshy, colorful fun.



Things have been pretty hectic otherwise. Very busy. As I posted last time, my older daughter has finished the work she needed to do and is once again in touch. It's a process, but I love that she is back and every time I talk to her on the phone, text with her, or see her, it's very happy-making.

Last week was my 51st birthday. We went to the Japanese steakhouse nearby and I got the ridiculous birthday thing.

Despite technical difficulties, it ended up being a lot of fun.

This is a light, non-challenging sort of post. I have deep thoughts, but I am not indulging them to any great extent at the moment since 2011 was so emotionally fraught. I need fluff, and fun, and bright colors, and happiness. There is plenty of time for serious business. Maybe february.

In knitting, I've been busy. January first, I cast on a very challenging project, "In The Pink", a winged shawl with interesting construction and a very challenging pattern. I'm actually almost done. My Ravelry project page is here. I took these photos on Friday, but I've made a lot more progress since then.



See the "feathers" along the edge? There are 86 altogether. I have done 70. So I plan to finish today, making it in less than a month. I didn't expect to get it done so fast but I've been project-monogamous except for socks on the bus. I'm looking forward to doing some spinning after I'm done with this.

My younger daughter gave me a terrific gift for my birthday-she organized and cleaned the craft/library/dog room. It was a chaotic mess, things strewn all over. It was like something out of "Hoarders". It's now neat and organized and clean and I could actually go in there and sew or spin if I wanted. Amazing.

More soon, hopefully. For now, I have a knitting project to finish.