Chitchat and the occasional in-depth analysis about fiber, knitting, spinning, crochet, cooking, feminism, self-image, and a modicum of personal blathering.
We'll be in town at the Mensa annual gathering this weekend. We've spent the past two days there but we're checking in to the hotel today. Should be interesting-the hotel is ridiculously grand and beautiful-it's the Omni William Penn in downtown Pittsburgh. I will have lots of pictures.
Since I have to pack, this will be quick. I finished the Sunshine socks...
Finished (and presented) the entrelac socks...
And started a new pair of the Cookie A socks, "Rick" from Sock Innovation. No pictures yet. I have the other half of the third pair of Kai Meis in my bag as well, along with that lovely handpainted alpaca fiber and my drop spindle so I have lots to do while manning the "action desk".
I love telling people about the wonderful things to see and do in Pittsburgh, even if we ARE having the coldest weather we've had since March.
Ok, so it's been like three weeks since I posted here and while I'm sure it's no great loss to the blogosphere, it feels weird not to and I have a few things on my mind.
Obligatory crafting update-I'm almost done with a lovely pair of entrelac socks that will be a gift for a very dear friend. Just the toe of the second sock remains.
And I'm almost 3/4 done with the Sunshine socks. (Pattern from Cookie A's Sock Innovation book, yarn is Knit Picks Bare Silk/Merino blend and a delight to work with, the amateurish dye job is my own.)
Really wish it wasn't so stripey but it'll do.
That's it in crafting for now, and I'm really feeling the lack of spinning. I need to spin. As soon as I finish those two pair of socks, I'm going to start spinning something on the wheel. What I don't know, but something for sure. Maybe the awesome bright orange/yellow sock fiber I got at the Waynesburg thing.
About the last post about humor, and especially for you, Meowser. Nobody but Bob knows what the butter in coffee thing meant, but it was situationally funny enough that I'm willing to explain it, and the square kids comment.
Square Kids.
Bob: "Pretty bad when the coolest thing in the commercial is the middle-aged cabbie who can't sing." Me: "yeah, those kids in the back are so square you could play Tetris with them." Bob: rolls on floor laughing ass off.
For the record, I hate that commercial and I hate Heineken in general.
Butter in Coffee
Bob and I went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner one night. We had a gift card. I found the place absolutely abhorrent. The decor was hideous, like Arabian Nights meets Opium Den meets Disney. Which under some circumstances could be awesome, but this was not those circumstances. This place was butt-ugly and the food was average at best. The cheesecake was good. But the menu was what brought the conversation where it ended up.
We looked at desserts first, because, hello, Cheesecake Factory? One of the items on the dessert menu was fat free cheesecake made with splenda. Why on earth would you bother? Do you think for one second your body would be fooled by that, never mind the horror of all those chemicals going into your stomach. Sounded abhorrent to me. If you want cheesecake, have some damn cheesecake, not a chemical blancmange of hideousness.
What really got me, though, was one particular item on the chicken section of the manu. "Weight control chicken breast". They seriously put it in the menu like that. Weight control chicken breast. Sounds fucking delicious, doesn't it? The description actually did sound pretty decent, but why the hell would you call it that? It led me to a rant about diet culture, unhealthy mindsets, hypocrisy, and biology that ended with me saying "It's enough to make me want to put butter in my coffee!!!" and Bob ROFLAOing again. So that explains that.
Been feeling pretty isolated lately. Not much different, just realizing how little interaction I have with people outside of work. I have a lot of social networking "friends" who I feel closer to than almost anyone outside of family that I know in meatspace. Most of these people, I've never even met. At the same time, I have a lot of people I "used to know" connected with me on social networking sites and some of the things I see some of them posting are getting a little disturbing to me.
So I think that I need to cut loose a lot of those old ties because there are some things I'd rather not see. I'd rather not know how narrow minded and actually racist some people are. I'd rather not know how they view people who don't meet their standards for whatever. I find myself reading Livejournal any more wondering why I bother. It's not like most of these people are making any kind of effort to maintain relationships with me either so I think it's time for a major social networking purge. It would probably be very good for me, in fact. Some things are not funny. This probably makes me a prude. I don't care.
Unavoidable real life interaction with people is unfortunately ahead with the annual Mensa gathering coming to Pittsburgh. I find a lot of Mensans to be really insufferable, but there are also a lot of really fine people and dear actual friends. I'm volunteering as the action desk coordinator, which means I get the delightful task of explaining to non-natives how to get around this confusing-assed Pittsburgh cityscape. Should be fun, but I'm well-armed with maps and brochures.
We went to the Carnegie science center yesterday, which was kind of cool in some ways, but damn, people need to control their children better. I took some pictures from the coral reef exhibit.
Health is OK. No real changes. No surprises either.
I've been doing a lot of reading, which is probably cutting into my knitting/spinning time. I got back into going to the library, something that had gone by the wayside a while ago due to my lack of returning books and getting warrants out for my arrest (I wish I was kidding) and fines and court costs and stuff. I think I can trust myself more now, so I'm trying a little librarying and so far, so good. I read a few of the "#1 Ladies Detective Agency" books which were good, if a bit condescending in tone. I actually like the TV series better for a few reasons. In the books, Alexander McCall Smith obviously has a great deal of love for the country and the characters, but it's a patronizing, paternalistic love. The voice he gives Precious and Grace, in particular, is very childish and almost simple-minded. In the HBO series, they were much more mature and complex while maintaining the goodness and moral clarity they had in the books. Anyway, I did a couple of Cormac McCarthys as well, "The Road" and "No Country for Old Men". And I've had enough of that. It's just such a relief to be able to read without craving cigarettes. I never thought I'd get back here.
I've been giving a lot of thought to the idea of being funny lately.
I'm a funny person. Not so much on paper or in text but in person, laugh a minute. I've got a wisecrack for every occasion.* A quick wit, honed, as it were, on the sandpaper of a contentious childhood. Being funny was, and is, part of who I am.
It's almost involuntary sometimes. I have a strange sense of humor. I love wordplay and cross-referencing. I don't like mockery or making fun of people. Old-fashioned slapstick is ok as long as nobody gets hurt, but I'm way more Monty Python than Marx Brothers. Even though I love both.
When I'm in uncomfortable situations, especially when other people are uncomfortable, I like to use humor to set everyone at ease. Or, I should say I can't HELP but use humor to set everyone at ease. I've done it at inappropriate times. I've done it when people really can't "get" what I'm saying. I've done it when people can't keep up with my leaps of imagination. One of the things I love most about Bob is that he can keep up with me.
Maybe at this point in my life I'm starting to get a little resentful of the fact that everyone expects me to be funny. Maybe it's just a passing phase. Maybe I wonder if people care about me for me, or because I make them laugh.
Even my kids sometimes seem like they're waiting for me to say something funny.
Doubt I'll change at this point. Absurdities exist and I can't imagine not pointing them out. I guess I amuse myself as much as I amuse anyone else and that's worth something. I'm not looking for answers, or excuses, or compliments, just making an observation about the ongoing cluster fuck that is my life.
Why yes, I'm having a depressive episode just now, why do you ask?
I finished another pair of socks and started two more. And I took some pictures. Nothing much else to report on the crafty front.
Those are more Kai-Mei from the Cookie A book "Sock Innovation". The yarn is handspun superwash merino.
Here's a bee.
And a spider web. May the twain never meet.
* Case in point-"those kids in the back of the cab are so square you could play tetris with them." "it's enough to make me want to put butter in my coffee".
I am feeling like absolute crap so I have nothing productive or interesting to say. I'm just doing a granny weatherwax style "I aten't dead" post. With pictures I guess.
Lost a big piece of the apple tree, right down the middle. We had a pretty good storm on Sunday, and the wind took out the middle of the tree. Bob (mostly) and I cut it up and Bob hauled it up to the woods.
I'm making my second pair of Kai Mei socks.
This is handspun. I'm currently turning the heel on sock #2 so it's going fast. They need to be done before the end of the month.
Turkeys in the yard. They come by strictly to torment Figment.
Other than that, status quo. And I'm happy about the Pittsburgh Penguins going to the Stanley Cup finals with hopefully a better result this year... GO PENS.
I finally got the chance to go to a sheep and fiber event last weekend, the Waynesburg Sheep and Fiber fest in beautiful Waynesburg, Greeene County, Pennsylvania. It's just an hour's drive from home so I got some savings out of the credit union and took off around 10 AM on Saturday.
It was a beautiful day, a little muggy and warm, but still nice. And the very first thing I saw? Baby alpacas.
It really doesn't get much cuter than that.
Right next to the alpacas were some pygora and angora goats.
I also met some people from Ravelry.
That's Beth with her friends, of course I forgot their names because I can barely remember my own name half the time. We found each other because I was also wearing my red "disagree" shirt.
The event wasn't huge, it was perfect for my crowd-hating ways and I suffered no anxiety meltdowns or panics. There was a sheep-to-shawl contest...
And more puppies, getting their lunch. SO cute. More cute than I could stand.
Here was a lamb cooking demonstration. I couldn't look. I am not a fan of lamb or mutton, and I am definitely a fan of the living critters. No judgment, it's just not for me.
There was also a sheep shearing demonstration.
Poor sheepie looks like she wishes it was all over.
I stayed long enough to see the announcement of the winner of the sheep to shawl contest. In case you're not familiar with these things, they basically start with a group of people and a sheep. The sheep is sheared, they card and spin the fiber, then use that spun fiber to weave a shawl, all between nine in the morning and about one in the afternoon. Here are the completed shawls, worn by the weavers.
Amd this one was the winner-you can't see it in the photo but it had crystal beads through it. Just beautiful.
I ended up buying some fiber, some yarn, a very light top-whorl drop spindle, and a vintage national geographic mag from 1988 that had a great article in it about wool. All in all it was a terrific event and I can't wait to go back next year.
Batts from Columbus Park Fiber and Quilting. (No website yet!)
Bitsy Knits sock fiber...
And sock yarn-very nice quality, too.
And the drop spindle, also from Bitsy Knits, with handpainted alpaca roving from Royal Meadow Farm.
It seems like many of the vendors didn't have a web presence. It was nice to get the chance to try out some unknowns and also, always a joy to actually touch, feel and smell the fiber before taking it home. I was THIS CLOSE to bringing home an entire alpaca fleece in the most gorgeous mocha brown, it was only twenty bucks for the whole thing. Then I remembered the about a half a pound remaining of loose alpaca fiber that I had to wash and am still slowly working my way through spinning. So that didn't happen, thank goodness. I am not up to processing a fleece, even a relatively easy alpaca fleece.
Nothing new on the crafting front, the two pair of socks I'm working on are still in progress and both pair are almost done. Yay for that. I'm planning the next pair. I need to also give a shout-out to Laura Martos at Dizzy Blonde studios. I've almost finished a pair of Kai Mei socks... out of half a skein of her sock yarn. Amazing. I divided it in half by weight to have equal amounts for each sock, and there was so much left when I finished the first sock that I kept going out of that half. Now I'm almost halfway down the foot of the second sock and I'm still not out of that half. A great deal on that yarn, and it is gorgeous.
I've been reading and thinking and occasionally blogging about body acceptance and fat rights for a while now. I had a bit of a breakthrough yesterday.
I went to the Waynesburg Sheep and Fiber Festival. I went by myself, which was fine. The event was just my speed, not huge but plenty to see, not thronged with people but a fair amount of traffic. (More on the event in a subsequent post.) I made it through all the walking and steps and a pretty long drive (though mostly highway so not so bad with the clutch) both ways without major cramping or pain. Later, Bob and I went out to dinner and I was seriously angry at how much pain I was in. I ranted and raved on the way home about how much it pisses me off that I can't have a normal leg and walk like normal people and not get all swelled up and numb and hurty after what to most able people would be a very insignificant amount of exercise. I was really mad that I can't go out and walk on a regular basis, that my ambulation is not and never will be normal, that there's precious little I can do on the exercise end to decrease my blood sugar because of this goddam stupid messed up leg and that if it's still this bad after over a year, it's probably never going to be much better than this.
I'd just read this outstanding piece on the nocebo effect and was wondering if being upset that my leg wasn't normal was making it less normal, that maybe I just ought to ignore the fact that my foot goes totally dead and my knee doesn't bend very far and the massive cramps I get on a regular basis in that leg because what if I'm nocebo-ing myself into my leg actually being worse? But all those things are real. So what is the solution? What do I do? HOW CAN I CHANGE IT?
Then it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks.
This is not body acceptance. This is no different than saying "I hate being fat and I wish I could change it". I am absolutely nowhere on the FA/size acceptance scale where my own body is concerned, because I cannot accept my body as it is. I cannot accept my bad leg and all the ramifications of it. I hate it, and I'm mad at it, and I want it to change so badly I'd do almost anything. All things I'd said in the past about being fat. All things I'd done drastic things to try to change, over and over through my lifetime, from amphetamines to exercise bulimia to Richard Simmons' various plans to food diaries to obsessive walking to weightlifting to dieting and dieting and dieting until I screwed up my metabolism so much that I eat much less than most people, even thin people, and I am way off the "death fat" end of the BMI scale.
My left leg has been the enemy for over a year. No more. It's part of my body, and I'm going to treat it kindly. Instead of being frustrated, I'm going to love and embrace it as part of a whole me, flawed perhaps but still me. I'm going to try to figure out what it likes and do that, and in the meantime, I'm going to accept and deal with it instead of treating it like I wish it'd just fall off and leave me alone already.
Much to think about. Much to do. For now, in conclusion, puppies.
Pushing 50, pagan-leaning agnostic with a wonderfully patient and adorable husband, two grown kids, an out-of-control yarn and fiber stash, and a need for speed-on the needles or wheel.
Don’t wait until some arbitrary goal is reached to start living. You deserve to live now. And you never know when you might run out of time. Stop dieting-it doesn’t work. Start living your life on your own terms. Don’t hate your body-love it. Rejoice in it. Adorn it with finery and thank it every day for carrying you through the world. Eat when you’re hungry, drink when you’re thirsty, and above all, love yourself.
