So, apparently, I have Meniere's Disease. I'm having an MRI on Monday to rule out a tumor, but according to the ENT specialist, it is classic Meniere's, all the symptoms line up just so and the hearing loss is just the latest thing that goes along with the progression of the disease.
It's not the worst thing ever. Tons of people live out long and fulfilling lives with Meniere's. I'll eventually lose my hearing. Maybe just in one ear. Maybe not completely. It's already at 60% on the left side, with nothing below 71 decibels. I can get a hearing aid. So it's not that really. It's just that this is another thing on top of everything else that is like a giant big huge pile of cosmic poop on my head that is making me sad and angry and taking away everything I value in my life little by little. And making my world smaller and smaller. I hate being the annoying old woman who goes "HUH? WHAT? CAN YOU REPEAT THAT PLEASE". I hate the tinnitus. I hate the vertigo and I hate the effects of the anti-vertigo medicine. I hate this.
I understand it's what Van Gogh had, though, so at least I'm in good company.
In happier news, my Quitmeter just went over $10,000. That's money I have not spent on cigarettes since I quit smoking four and a half years ago. So yay.