Chitchat and the occasional in-depth analysis about fiber, knitting, spinning, crochet, cooking, feminism, self-image, and a modicum of personal blathering.

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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

What makes the world go 'round?

I keep starting to blog and then stopping again. There's nothing I can write that seems important enough or worth the trouble. Part of that is because really, my life is pretty darned boring. Another part of it is that my heart is broken.

My 26 year old daughter has cut off all communication with me and my family. I think she still talks to her sister. She says she has issues to work out and she doesn't want anyone to call or text or email her until she says she's ready. I have been alternating between denial and sorrow and rage and grief and anger and despair over it. This happened the week before christmas, the night before I had my fall and hurt my knee again. I think the fall was a nice distraction. I keep dreaming about her and I'm also worried about her, and about what this is doing to my mother, and then I get into the angry thing again, and then I start crying, so I am really trying not to think about it too much, but damn, it's hard. She said in her email (yes, email. She broke up with her family via email) that she didn't intend for it to be permanent but that she had some things to work through. Well, now we all have some things to work through, don't we?

Anyway. I'm still knitting. Still spinning. Still cooking decent stuff, still taking pictures, still walking and talking and trying to live. Nothing is broken or torn in my knee according to the doctor and the x-ray so that's good, but it still hurts. My new doctor is actually turning out to be pretty awesome so far, so my worry was in vain. She said the big-ass lump is bursitis and will go away in time, that I should rest and take pain meds as needed until that happens.

I guess the same thing applies to my heart.

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2 comments:

Marcia said...

Awwww, sorry Jamie, that really sucks - especially right before Christmas :( I'm thinking maybe you fell *because* you were already distracted?

Here's hoping she doesn't take very long to work through her stuff and will be ready to rejoin the family again really soon!

KnittingReader said...

I'm so very sorry, Jamie. Sending you a long-distance hug.