I have no intention of going out tonight. We're staying home, drinking beer, and watching movies, once we get done watching Anna paint the accent wall in the living room. She got bored on her holiday home, and offered to paint. My living room has been in an uproar since about Thursday, giving me lots of time to do deep thinking about my control issues, my personal space issues, and my behaviors. Interesting stuff, at least to me.
I've been reading a lot of size acceptance blogs. Interesting to see where people are on the journey to learning to love oneself. I'm just sick to death of self-loathing and depriving myself of joy because of my body size. I did some quick math, and in my dieting life, I've lost about 500 pounds. I've lost a lot more than that, though. I've lost my self-respect, my metabolism, my joy in moving and eating and living. The core of it is that there is nothing inherently wrong with being fat. It's just like being tall, or being Italian, or being tone-deaf. It just is. What I need to do is stay away from the scale, assign neutral moral value to food (no more "good" or "bad" foods) and learn to listen to what my body wants.
On listening-I realized the other day that there are days when I go all afternoon and evening without having anything to drink. Not even water. And I wonder why I wake up in the night with the sahara desert blowing through my mouth! I'm so out of touch with my body's cues that I can't even recognize thirst.
On moving-it hurts. Of course it hurts. It's going to hurt. But if I don't move, I can't be fit. I want to be at least somewhat more fit than I am now. Note that this has nothing to do with weight or size.
Small steps, though. This is my resolution, and I'm not one to make resolutions.
That first. Everything else can follow.
Oh, and read Shapely Prose-it's also linked in the sidebar. Particularly a little number called "the fantasy of being thin". She's also got an excellent rant up today about Weight Watchers and how they're co-opting size acceptance language to sell their diet. Good stuff.
I need to do a full-on blog post instead of this little newsy crap that's been going in here lately, but truth be told, I hate my keyboard. It's just not working out for me. Maybe after things settle down, I'll get one that I don't hate typing on, and perhaps I'll type more as a result. Or I might type the same, but enjoy it more.
In knitting, nothing much new. The Hundertwalkers have been put on a circular needle for magic loop. I think I've converted to that method. They're past the heel but not really enough to photograph yet. Today, I finished the Iris socks.
Then Bob and Anna took pictures of my feet.
I have to say they're pretty great.
We had an adventurous christmas. I took a lot of pictures, all of which are on my Flickr page, in their very own set. A couple of highlights, though.
A box-shaped cat. (Sara, my aunt Ginny's cat)
And some very cute dogs.
Happiest of happy new years to all.
Chitchat and the occasional in-depth analysis about fiber, knitting, spinning, crochet, cooking, feminism, self-image, and a modicum of personal blathering.