before I go collapse.
my health has been so iffy lately that I have no energy for anything other than work, sleep, and what fiber fun I can get in the remaining hours-of-the-day. It's a bummer, all right.
I miss my friends. I miss the things I used to do.
I used to go camping. I was supposed to go camping this weekend, to Brushwood, but lack of money and my myriad health issues got in the way. We haven't been to Brushwood in, oh, four years? three years? It's been a long time. It's compounded by the fact that when we do go away, we usually go to a Mensa event instead of a pagan event. And I don't think Bob is too crazy about the whole "tent in the woods" thing. But I miss it, and my soul cries out for it. I suppose I could drive up for the day tomorrow, but again, it's a lot of money on gas just now, and we are really short of funds. But dammit, compared to a lot of the stuff we do, camping is really, really cheap. So it upsets me that we don't go.
Anyway, I miss my friends. I know, I do, that being a friend to someone involves a relationship, much like a romance, relating to them in real life and talking, visiting, laughing together. I don't have very much energy right now, and I am very afraid that the few friendships I do have left or what tatters remain of them will be gone soon due to neglect.
Almost everything I valued outside my home has drifted away from me. Including, but not limited to, my love for my job. It's been swallowed by pain, by fear, by insecurity, by busy-ness. This makes me very, very sad.
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