"Nine" arrived from Netflix today.
I should start off by declaring my love for Fellini. 8 1/2 is one of my all time favorite movies. I heard of Nine and felt immediate dread. I had no idea that it was actually a broadway musical for quite some time before. The movie is dreadful.
It's been on for fifteen minutes and I'm already wondering if it could be the worst movie I've ever seen. Nine is the number of times Fellini rolled in his grave.. during the opening number.
Daniel Day-Lewis has an utterly embarrassing Italian accent. Penelope Cruz has a better Italian accent than he does, and her Rs are still 100% latina.
I don't care how much money he poured into this piece of trash, Rob Marshall is no Fellini. He's not even Fellini's pinky.
So. 8 1/2 was a movie about a director who is out of ideas. (but is really about a lot more than just that) Nine is a remake of what 8 1/2 is about on the surface and it just piles musical numbers and blockbuster talent and ridiculous costumes on top of that without really getting into the heart and soul of Fellini's movie.
It's been on for a half hour and Judi Dench is singing. She'd doing her best, but the music is utterly insipid.
This movie started with a giant masturbatory scene with 100 women writhing around an unbathed DD-L, then had Penelope in a scene from low Rent Chicago meets Sweet Charity, so I can scarcely imagine what they'll do with Guido's dream later. I don't know if I'll actually make it that long.
The background music is so bad. Its like they asked Andrew Lloyd Weber to write something that sounded like Nina Rota outtakes.
I'm going to go weave, I can't do this without something else to keep me occupied. I'm actively ashamed of this "be italian" song and Saraghina is like my favorite character in the original movie.
Hey, but I did something!
I had a blog entry every day in November! Woo!